Reflections: 9 August 2015

First Reading: 1Kg 19:4-8

Second Reading: Ep 4:30-32,5:1-2

Gospel: Jn 6:41-51

Despair and Strength

Despair is a powerful force. But so is strength. And to be strong is to be above whatever it is that despairs us, even if sometimes, despair is what leads to strength.

When I started this journey, I lived in what I called my dark place. It is where I wallowed in envy, greed, gluttony and lust. I indulged myself in my dark place because I felt that nothing is going right in my life. There were times when I wanted to just end it. Despair had a hold on me that I was too lazy to shake off. I had become so comfortable in my dark place that I just didn’t want to get out.

Naturally, God will send people our way to try to get us out of despair. But these people can only go so far. They can pray for us and take care of us, but ultimately we have to be the ones to pick ourselves up.

One night, I was lying in bed, reflecting on how messed up my life had become, and how horrible I felt. Inasmuch that I indulged myself in worldly things, I never felt so alone in my life.

I decided that enough is enough. I needed to get my life in order.

Strength is not just about being physically imposing or willful. It’s also about making the tough decisions – choices that we make even if we do not have all the details of how we’ll be able to accomplish it.

In that one moment that I made my choice, God gave me strength. Strange enough, I didn’t even pray or reach out to him that night. I just wanted to make a change. And it is a testament to God’s love that he listed to me even if I wasn’t planning on including him at the start of my journey.

When we have a problem, we can do everything this world has to offer to remedy it. But not every question can be answered by this world. Some of the answers lie with God. And with faith and strength, we will be able to find the answers to our questions.

“I am the living bread that came down from heaven; whoever eats this bread will live forever; and the bread that I will give is my flesh for the life of the world (Jn 6:50-51).”

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